The Unexpecteds

We settled into a routine fairly well, but mother’s pacing was still a challenge.  Every time we took her to the doctor they would tell us that her muscles, lungs and heart were strong and healthy.  We thought maybe mother just needed a good walk around the neighborhood, so one morning Josephine took her out for a walk.

She did fine walking at a normal pace for several blocks then Josephine turned her  around to go back to the house.   Just as they got to our house a woman came by them jogging.  When mother saw her she fell to the ground crying out that she hurt her leg.  Josephine was shocked.   The woman stopped to help.   Josephine tried to lift her but mother kept crying that her leg was hurt.  The woman who stopped turned out to be a nurse and so she offered to help get her back to the house.   She questioned Josephine and then took a good look at our living space.  Josephine felt she was being interrogated.  The woman took our names and phone number and said she’d be checking back on us.  Once the woman left mother went back to pacing around the house: her leg perfectly fine.   However, due to the woman’s scrutiny we took her to the doctor anyway to get her checked out.   After that we always took her walker, but even with her walker she could pull the injured routine on us, and always in public.

In sharing my story with others I have learned that many Alzheimer patients do this.  Much like a child throwing a temper tantrum, and it is frustrating because you never know when they will act out.  Even though it seemed mother did this for attention, we knew it was just her brain misfiring and there wasn’t anything we could do except make sure she didn’t hurt herself. 

My art work was also an unexpected.  I tried to engage mother in games, movies and coloring books.   That didn't work.  What she did enjoy was looking through home and garden magazines.  However, she would tear pages out of the magazine and then tear those pages into smaller pieces.  I could tell she wasn't being destructive, she was doing this with purpose.  While she did that I began coloring in her coloring books, then I started drawing the pieces of pictures she placed on the table; half of a chair or couch, an upside down lamp, plates on top of trees...so out of the upheaval and despair of our situation a whimsical form of art unexpectedly emerged. 

One other significant and unexpected challenge for us was in dealing with the emotional ups and downs.  Mother could frustrate me at times to the point of insanity and then suddenly my heart would just break for her when I’d see her playing with her dolls.   The emotional roller coaster takes an incredible toll on the caretaker.  Having a support group is vital.  When we began we only had each other and it was too much. The irony was that one of our most important supporters was my father: this man who had once tried to kill my mother was a calming presence for her.  She knew who he was but she never once brought up the ugliness of their relationship and divorce.  We were grateful for his help but what surprised us is that we actually experienced anger and resentment.  Why couldn’t they have had that relationship all along?  And why was it that she was nice to this man who had been so brutal to her and yet she was being brutal to her daughters who worked so hard to care for her.   That was one of the major unexpected issues that came up for us.  

And then this little cat shows up.  In my next blog I will share more about Thomas and how he changed our lives.